When the accompanying picture started showing up in my social media feeds, I immediately dismissed it as another left-wing, gun hater production intended to invigorate the anti-gun zealots and inflame the Second Amendment community. To determine the truth, I decided to do my own scientific (‘ish) research. I’m going to be honest; the results may surprise you.
I figured the best first move would be to establish a baseline, so I collected all my guns and administered a standard IQ test and the dreaded Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory (MMPI). Well, that was a bust. They all just sat there and stared at me. Then it occurred to me they might have been intimidated by being in a mixed setting. This is understandable, so I separated them by caliber. Nothing. By type. Nothing. By manufacturer. Nothing. By age. Nothing. No response to any of it.
So, I changed tactics. I decided they might need some mental stimulation to get the ball rolling. I put on some old western movies, war movies and a few modern shoot ‘em up options. Nothing. Then I tried some old classics, mysteries, romantics and comedies. Nothing. Then I tried music. Classical, opera, rock and roll, country and western, rap, blues and jazz. Nothing.
Maybe it was the media. So, I read to them from a variety of books from young adult (appropriate for guns under adult supervision), mystery, horror, romance, even educational material like mathematics, science and the humanities. Nothing. I even sang to them. If anything could induce a violent reaction, my singing would. STILL nothing.
I tried everything I could think of. Positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, threats, promises of extra gun lube, praise and insults. Nothing.
Now to be fair, none of my guns are so-called “smart guns”. But that only adds two things, the ability to recognize their owner, which wasn’t a problem since they all know they are family, and a mechanism for some government agency to shut them down remotely, which would completely negate their primary function in my tests. All produced NOTHING. It was painfully obvious my guns were dumb, dumber as a box of rocks.
But how could this be? Every day we are bombarded by stories saying how guns are taking lives, guns are destroying communities and guns making people feel unsafe on the streets and in their own homes. It is all the fault of the GUNS. Yet my tests showed conclusively my guns are completely oblivious to any external stimulation and can do absolutely nothing on their own. Is it possible that guns are simply tools that need a human being to use them?
Guns, knives, clubs, sticks, cars, planes, even a box of rocks are all simply tools. They can be used for lawful, good actions, or than can be used for unlawful, evil actions. Denying their possession and use by everyday citizens because someone, somewhere used them in an illegal act is what is dumb. Taking guns away from people who have never committed a crime because someone else did is dumb. Creating laws that disarm the honest while doing nothing to take them away from criminals, thugs and terrorists is dumb.
I did however uncover one amazing quality guns do seem to possess all on their own, at least according to the left-wing press. They can magically transform from life-taking menaces of society with evil names like “machine gun convertible pistol”, “weapon of war” or “assault weapon” when used by criminals to “personal defense weapon” or “patrol rifle” when used by law enforcement or security for politicians and the elites of society. Apparently, there is no term for guns successfully used by a legally armed private citizen – a good guy with a gun – since that’s just a right-wing myth.
What, you think they meant OWING guns is dumb? Oh puleeze! These people LOVE guns! The more the better, as long as THEY control them. They just have other people carry them instead of doing it themselves. They outsource their personal protection to the taxpayer funded law enforcement or armed private security paid to protect THEM. That way they can sit back and preach about how bad, and dumb, guns are, while being protected by… guns.
Unless you are one of the political/economic and moral elite who have someone else to protect you, the safety of you and your family is YOUR responsibility. Remember, the police have no responsibility to protect you, but they will show up eventually after the fact to investigate what happened. Small comfort after the fact.
As for me, I am grateful for my dumb guns. They will only do what I need them to do when I need them to do it, and by my actions. And until that time, I’m happy for them to sit idly by, dumb as a box of rocks.
Bob
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